When I go for a walk and happen to go past your place
occasionally I will look over towards where I imagine you to be.
It’s a habit I haven’t quite broken yet.
On a wintery evening you were at my place in
an attempt to reforge our relationship.
After an ending that tore so much apart,
this was a starting over that already felt like heartbreak.
A request for my password caught me off guard.
I couldn’t remember it fast enough.
The pause making it seem like I didn’t want you to have it
and perceptions are what they are
on both sides, this is a thing
I think of when walking by.
You might never think of that.
Or about the half hearted attempts, that
accompanied half hearted smiles, we made
after that night to keep trying, so we eventually stopped.
Because sometimes growing apart is just
a part of relationships, and growth is
having the heart to acknowledge that.
Each time I stop from looking over at your place when I walk by
the frequency, or infrequency, will start to reflect
the level of can’t in our relationship.
And I will not wonder if, when you walk past my place
do you look where you imagine me to be,
out of habit not yet broken.